Job Interview

So, it’s been a little while…

Not that I’ve really been busy but I haven’t really had any inspiration for any poems or anything of late. But, I do have a job interview tomorrow! It’s a part time server position at an assisted living facility. Maybe not the most exciting job to most people but I absolutely love talking to elderly people. Strangely enough, I feel like I can talk to elderly people way easier than people my own age. I’m really hoping I get the job because one: I really need the money, and two: It will give me a sense of purpose again because right now, I’m just sitting at home every day doing nothing and I feel so unproductive. I guess I should’ve foreseen this being a problem before I had even got out of school but I was just so excited about being done with the stress (for at least a little while).

In other news…I got a really good camera and a tripod so I’m hoping to start recording and putting out some song covers here soon. I’m super excited about that and once I get one or two out, I’ll put a link on here and you guys will be able to see another side to me I guess??? Since I’m usually pretty reserved and when I’m singing I’m not as reserved and I’m a lot louder.


Need feedback on this unfinished poem…

(Author’s note: I’m a bit apprehensive to write this but at the same time, it’s very therapeutic to write about so I’m asking for feedback on the poem itself, not the subject.)

Making Love After being Sexually Assaulted

Making love after being sexual assaulted is a mountain

You don’t ever want to have to climb.

You will fall into every crevice of

“It’s not them anymore”

You will stumble upon every rock,

wondering if you’re asking for it again.

The touch of her hand

will feel like fire on your skin

And maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing,

if only you could forget their roaring inferno.

Her lips will taste like the candy coated breath of their laughter

The way their eyes shot daggers into your skin.



Yesterday one of my best guy friends admitted to having a crush on me. Wait what??!! Yeah, I thought the same thing. He wanted to know if I felt the same way and I had to put him in the friendzone…I always feel terrible for having to do that but I also don’t want to lead him on if I don’t feel the same way. I also had to tell someone else that I became friends with recently and who admitted to having feelings for me to back off. He would Skype me every single night and when I told him I didn’t want to Skype at that very moment he would spam me with messages about how he’s “A piece of crap” and he understands why I don’t wanna talk to him and I don’t know if I’m looking into it too much but it raised some major red flags. I don’t do good with clingy people in general but this dude was really freaking me out. I don’t normally like rejecting a lot of people especially when I know the person has feelings for me because I can only imagine how it would feel for me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I have to work on being able to reject people even if I feel bad about it. Definitely going to take some work.

What Now…?

It’s been a minuet since I posted but I do want to keep this blog going.  I can finally breathe a sigh of relief now that I don’t have to go back to school. But I also feel like there’s something I should be doing. It feels strange to not have to get up early. I’m not sure what I’m going to make this blog about now or if I’m going to keep it how it is but I’m still gonna keep posting as often as I can. Hope everyone had a good holiday and a great new years!

High School is Over

The strangest thing about my last day of school on Thursday was that I wasn’t emotional at all. You would think that since it was potentially the last day I would ever see some people that I’d be in tears or something, right?

It just felt like another day. I guess it just hasn’t really hit me yet.

So I guess now it’s time for me to start dealing with real life. I’m a little worried, but at the same time I feel like it will be better than high school in terms of being able to show my abilities. I’m kinda running out of things to say in this blog though so I’ll end it for now…


Sometimes when I’m sitting in class listening to other people’s conversations, I can’t help but feel like they’re very superficial and meaningless. I try my damnedest not to be quick to judge these conversations but every time I hear someone talking about a party that happened the past weekend I just keep thinking about how stupid and annoying the conversation is. I don’t know why I think this all the time but I can’t help it. I like conversations that mean things.

Maybe that’s why I have trouble making friends. Because I never feel like I can connect with people on a deep meaningful level. I have an acquaintance that only talks about fashion and boys and it’s really hard to talk to her. I try to seem like I’m interested but I just can’t connect. I feel terrible because she is such a sweet person but I just can’t bring myself to give my opinions on guys that she shows me. She always wants my opinion on certain clothes or guys she thinks are cute and I always give some half-hearted attempt at a shrug.

My mom used to call me her tomboy-princess when I was little so for the longest time, I thought that maybe I couldn’t connect with other girls because I wasn’t girly enough but it happens with some of my guy friends too. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never truly connect with someone.

These are the thoughts that make me feel super lonely, when I feel like I’ll never connect with someone. It’s probably why I listen to music so much because music has meaning beyond just superficial money and partying and things like that. Music has been there for me when no one else was and it’s really the only thing that I’ve ever been able to hold a connection with. Now to find a person that I can connect with on that level…

Relief and Frustration

Last night was amazing! I went to The Wolf last night for the publishing party/ poetry slam and I was really pleasantly surprised that I was able to read my poem in it’s entirety and with the emotion that I wanted to. I was also really comforted by the fact that I got so many compliments and positive feedback despite being terrified of putting that vulnerability out there for everyone to see. I invited my dad, his girlfriend, and my paternal grandparents to come see it. But not my mom. And that’s where the frustration comes in. I finished my poem and listened to the rest of the amazing poets and then, once the party was mostly over I get a text from my mom. What’s this thing that you never told me about that’s happening tonight? it read. I wasn’t about to let her stop me from feeling good about how I did so I decided to ignore it for the time being. But then she started spamming me with all these texts saying how hurt she was that I didn’t invite her to this thing even though I’ve told her before that I’m not comfortable sharing my poetry with her. But I don’t want to dwell on that. So I’m doing everything I can to keep my mind off of the texts and remember how amazing it felt to be able to read my poem. My grandma told me last night that reading a poem like that or giving a speech is a lot like banging your head against a wall; it feels so good after you’re done. And I think she’s right about that.